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I truly can say that when recommending mediators to my clients and other attorneys, Oliver Ross is at the top of my list. It is rare to have clients call later and thank me for a referral but this is exactly what happens when I send people his way.
Gary Frank, Attorney

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Telling your children
Here are eight specific suggestions for telling children about your separation plans:
  • Tell the children clearly and directly what divorce means.
  • Describe some of your attempts to protect and improve your marriage.
  • Emphasize that both parents will continue to love and care for the children.
  • Do not assign blame. Stress that each parent has been hurt in some way. When you blame, you are asking the child to take sides, to form a pathological alliance that labels one parent good and one parent bad. As a result, the child may not only lose a parent, but begin rejecting parts of himself that are "just like daddy," or "just like mommy."
  • Try to describe any changes the children can expect in their day-to-day experience.
  • It is important to emphasize that the children in no way caused the divorce and are not responsible for problems between their parents. Also emphasize that both of you have made a careful decision to separate and that you are unlikely to change your minds.
  • Assure your children that they will always remain free to love both parents. No pressure will be brought to reject one parent in order to continue getting nurtured by the other.
  • Encourage your children to ask questions. Not just at the beginning, but throughout the long process of adjusting to a separation. Allow them to express their feelings. Let them know you are listening by repeating back in your own words the concerns they express to you.

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